Welcome to my Blog about fitness, workouts, diet and about my personal fitness journey
We all have different style for everything in life, different values, different goals, but we all do have something in common. We all want to be healthy & happy.
This is the topic I want to talk about today, just as my starting point of my "moving on" journey. I am well aware that I will be judged, but I could not care less. Anyway, what I have seen in the past 4 years is that not many people actually care, so let's stick with my intention to spread awareness of mental health issues and stop that taboo that people with those issues are ill and you need to stay away from them.
4 years ago, after birth of my first child I have experienced feelings I never thought I could feel and for the first time instead of being on my biggest high, I was on my lowest and the most hopeless place. I haven't done anything about it, except dealing with it in silence and truly suffering. I thought I was lucky to get pregnant 9 months after birth of my first child and also I was lucky that my 2nd pregnancy was extremely difficult physically due to constant nausea for the whole 37 weeks. Having my head above the toilet was kind of more enjoyable as it stopped me thinking and feeling anything because I wanted so much just to feel well again.
Just after 2nd birth, those baby blues came back, but this time with true feeling of desperation I wanted someone just to come and save me. Being with two little ones was extremely difficult and this is how my journey to isolation started. I was on my own all the time, because I felt I couldn't have a normal conversation with other mums pretending that everything is fine, just giggling and talking about what my kids did and how great fun they are, because for me, I just wanted to curl up, cry and shout out loud "I NEED HELP! I don't know what is wrong with me, but I really need help!". Those feelings just came uninvited and unwanted, but I had to deal with them, myself, my own darkness, plus two little kids just who needed mummy to be there for them, to provide all the basic care and unconditional love. I was so lonely.....
I have been diagnosed with severe post natal depression 2 months after Leila was born and I asked for help. Ever since I am battling that crazy stuff and it seems I can't "just snap out of it", because it is not how it works.
It is nothing anymore about my weight. It is not about what I can and can't do. I just need to feel normal again....
I went two weeks ago to discuss with a doctor about my medication as I have been feeling extremely low for the past 2-3 months and this has changed my approach to my own struggle.
This is what he told me: Do you know what triggers those feelings? You shouldn't focus on medication to make you feel better and don't think about your today self. Work on your future self. Do things that make you happy. Spend more time on your own doing things that will help you grow, rather then trying to hide in your own struggle. Talk about it, let it all out and you will heal and get better.
Since that moment I've done few things:
1. Hired a personal trainer for Myself - physically focusing on myself.
2. Signed up to a crossfit for a year as they are so known for having a community - focusing on having a social joy.
3. Booked more socials with friends
4. I have luckily less work in the gym and more at home focusing on my business growth
5. I went to see Jessie Pavelka, my true inspiration - his best advice was "connect yourself with something greater then you and you will realise how your problem is small".
6. I listen Tony Robbins podcasts DAILY. In one episode he spoke about people with depression and he said "they are focused on just themselves when their feelings become too big to be dealt with. To be able to get out of there have a MISSION TO HELP OTHERS. In that is so much bigger joy and satisfaction". - and this is what I am going to do. To have a mission to help others.
I have to fight for my life. I am craving happiness in my own self
Passionate about fitness, happiness, dreams!